I am not to blame for the huge gap between blogs. Besides, we really should try and get away from the blame culture. But if you want to pin it on something then I think it's fair to say that the responsibility falls squarely at the door of... global warming. I was waiting for the weather to turn....I was waiting for a grey day with showers - after all it has been autumn for quite some time now so we should have had some steady drizzle by now, at the very least. In fact, yesterday was a sunny 30+ degrees and very summery. However, bank holiday Monday has done the trick and the black clouds have rolled in. It's still 25 degrees and has only rained for 10 minutes so far but it is enough to drive me indoors. The kids are outside on the street playing with their friends, forming hoody gangs, intimidating the old folks and generally 'hooning' around. Wendy is recovering from 'Trance', a dance music festival that she went to yesterday. I say recovering but it's more a case of having a breather before going out tonight to see 'Keane' (the UK indie band from Battle, Sussex). In fact the space between blogs has largely been taken up with seeing bands... and err motor sport (not my choice obviously). Amongst the bands we've seen are (in no apparent order): Killers, Snow Patrol, Kaiser Chiefs, Elbow, Kings of Leon, Madness, Fratellis, Tame Impala, Human League, Duffy, The Music, Birds of Tokyo, Howling Bells and Sparkadia. I defy anyone to say that they haven't heard of at least one of those... I'm guessing that Tame Impala are being played to death by Terry Wogan and the radio 2 gang.
As you may have guessed we've just had the festival season - when for some reason lots of UK bands decide they want to leave the frozen north and come to tour the antipodes. We saw the V festival* last weekend and there had clearly been a lot of 'male bonding' happening on tour all the bands were dedicating songs to each other, Madness were especially popular, but no one dedicated a song to Duffy. Apart from the fact that she couldn't sing, was wearing hot pants over legs that were as white as lard, and she appeared to be Welsh, Duffy was excellent.... not. (*There are photos of this event in the next batch, coming your way shortly).
Still on the subject of music, Hattie's birthday is but a week away and we are getting her an ipod nano as her main (only) present. To mark this event, whilst writing this blog I am playing ipod roulette. Usually, I would be listening to one of my own (carefully crafted) play lists, but on this occasion I am rather recklessly, with no thought for my own safety, listening to our entire ipod - all 5000 tracks of it (on shuffle). In the interests of science I am making a record of the songs played, which you can view at the bottom of this blog. So far, I have been able to ascertain a direct correlation between the track playing and the quality of the writing. For example, I wrote the funny bit when Muddy Waters was on, there was something of a dip in the quality when Will Young came on and I almost gave up entirely when Bobby Shafto infiltrated the airwaves..but, despite all that I was never tempted to skip.
Because we, (ok, Wendy) were slightly more organised, this year Hattie is able to have a sleepover... it also helps that we have actually got some beds this year. With her birthday falling smack in the middle of the holidays no-one was able to come last year, with this in mind we invited an extra person to be on the safe side. And, of course, this year they can all come so we have 3 nine year olds sleeping over-with all 4 of them sleeping in one room, which just happens to be George's (his bed can sleep 3, fill your own jokes in here..........). Obviously, being 11, George had to be bribed in order to let 3 of Hattie's friends stay the night in his room... so as a result he is going to the cinema to see Fast and Furious 4. At this point, I must say a big thank-you to our friend Steven... for it is he who will be accompanying George to the cinema to view this potentially Oscar-winning film. I grudgingly watched the first film in the series and at that point vowed that I would glue my eyelids together if I ever had to sit through another. Steven plays in the same beach volleyball team as me and I think he was very tempted to see if my game would improve with my eyes glued shut...but in the end he relented and agreed to take George to the movie.
For the last two weeks Wendy has been playing beach volleyball as well - due to one of the regulars sustaining a stress fracture of the foot after a high heel shoe incident (there may have been alcohol involved)...it was a woman by the way just in case you thought that we were a cross-dressing team. Wendy played very well despite the fact that some tall, handsome, muscle-bound bloke kept blasting the ball at her.... listen, I had to do it she was making me look bad (ok, the muscle-bound part was probably pushing it a bit far in that description). The current volleyball season is coming to an end and barring a catastrophic turn of events it looks like we will finish in the top 8 and make the end-of-term finals.... at which point we traditionally lose to a bunch of scousers, amusingly called 'Calm Down' who do a lot of whoopin' and hollerin' and high fiving (and that's just in the warm-up), and it in no way upsets me or winds me up.... I love 'em.
By the time the finals come upon us Wendy will be back dancing again, all be it with a different Dance School. After a 'big money' transfer she has left the 15 year old 'hip hoppers' and has moved to a more sedate Jazz class which starts next term... as yet there has been no mention of 'a show'.
Well, that will do for now. Now that the weather is closing in (it is currently bucketing it down and there is thunder and lightening - maybe I should tell the kids to come in now?) the blogs may become more frequent again. I'll definitely make an effort to be back before our winter holiday to Melbourne in July.
Ipod Roulette gave us:
James-Tomorrow; Muddy Waters-Rollin' And Tumblin' Part 1; Ladysmith Black Mambazo-Amabutho (Warriors); Mika-Grace Kelly; The Wedding Present-Don't Talk, Just Kiss; Belle & Sebastian-I Love My Car; Will Young-All Time Love; Clash-Remote Control; Booker T. & The MG's-Hip Hug-Her; Various artists-Bobby Shafto; Geneva-In The Years Remaining; Joe Tex-I Want To Do Everything For You; Elvis Presley-A Big Hunk O' Love; Pixies-Debaser; Clive Peterson-When I See An Elephant Fly; Buddy Holly & The Crickets-Shake Rattle And Roll; Nirvana-Come As You Are and finally ....Super Furry Animals-Something For The Weekend (that would be the Welsh again)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Leonard Cohen, Sydney harbour bridge and an inflatable black sheep
As you may have noticed I never did get around to doing a blog on the first anniversary of our discovering Australia. we have been really busy - it must be because it's the summer.
Our second Australia Day (or Invasion Day as the aboriginal people rightly call it) didn't quite live up to the magnificence of the first one... the thing is after being here a year we now have a benchmark to measure everything against. The reason for it not being quite as good was that some friends of our friends (friends of ours twice removed) have moved house... ergo we couldn't park in their drive... ergo we had to go down by train... ergo we had to sit on the opposite river bank (the rowdy one) and the view wasn't quite as spectacular because it didn't have the backdrop of the City Skyline as it did last year... the fireworks were still pretty breathtaking though. Next year I think we'll have a barbie. a couple of beers, watch the cricket and tennis on the telly and maybe light a couple of sparklers... in other words do what the (non ex-pat) aussies do. Bonza.
I know what your thinking... 'what has Harry the old romantic lined up for Wendy on
Valentines Day?'. Well, I didn't think I'd be able to top the fifty red roses, champagne breakfast and five star hotel that I didn't get for her last year so instead I sent her to Sydney for the week. She has actually gone on a 'conference', it's an odd sort of conference because on Wednesday she climbed Sydney harbour bridge (not certain whether it was part of the proceedings or she did it for 'fun'?). From the text messages I received - I get the impression that she enjoyed it... she said she didn't want to come down again, that may be because she didn't want to get back to Perth in time for Valentines Day.
By being in Sydney this week, Wendy managed to miss the second of her 'new' dance classes. She has joined a 'modern jazz and hip-hop class'. I believe my views on white folks doing hip-hop have been well documented previously so I think it's safe to say that she won't be bringing her hobby home with her. Luckily, unlike the norm, there isn't going to be a show for me to endu.. err enjoy. She really enjoyed the first class, even after she had worked out that she was twice the age of the next oldest pupil in the class.
I think Hattie might want to join the circus... she went to see Cirque du soleil with Wendy and loved it. She particularly liked the bit where a (planted) member of the audience got up and joined in with the acrobatics. If she goes again she will definitely try to join in, probably with the trick where one ballet dancer goes up on her points whilst supporting two other people on her shoulders and balancing the complete works of Charles Dickens on her nose. It sounded very good but, unfortunately, I wasn't able to go due to my 'clown allergy', that and the fact that me and George went to watch the cricket. The Aussies were taking on New Zealand in a One Day International at the WACA. As you would expect the day/night was filled with beer, colourful language and some rather dodgy facial hair... and that was just George. And as you know by now a sporting event just isn't a sporting event unless I get sat next to some annoying, loud mouthed, opinionated individual with a prop. In this case the said individual was a New Zealand supporter and the prop was an inflatable black sheep with a rather rude slogan on it... I would need to draw a diagram to explain it properly. To be fair to our antipodean neighbour he wasn't altogether unfunny, in fact some of his observations were really quite amusing the first time he made them... it was when he repeated them for the 43rd time that they started to grate a bit. He did also have the uncanny ability to produce fully inflated beach balls from thin air (maybe he should get a part in Cirque du soleil). In fact the Kiwis' (beach) balls, the sheep and an unfeasibly long beer (glass) snake held the attention of the majority of the 15,000 strong crowd more than the cricket did... even though it was a nail biting finish with the Kiwis scraping to a last ball victory - the bloke next to me didn't actually notice, he was comatose by this point.
The kids are now back at school after the 'big' holidays, they both appear to like their new teachers - especially George whose teacher is originally from Harrogate and has been having long chats with him about York and its history. He's also doing on a project on Normans - which is great because I can help him with it, there isn't much I don't know about messers Wisdom, Collier and Hunter (that was a rubbish pun even by my low standards).
I went to a music festival in the centre of Perth on Friday, the average age of the attendees was 20.543333 recurring (if I hadn't been there it would have been 18). There was plenty of alcohol consumed, there were quite a few herbal cigarettes being puffed on, and there were a lot of (us) youngsters crammed into a confined space... but there was no loutish behaviour (as long as you don't count balding, middle-aged men leering at attractive young ladies as loutish behaviour). I would quite happily go again next year (if they lift the restraining order)
In contrast, on Saturday, me and Wendy went to see Leonard Cohen at Sandalfords Winery, the average age of the attendees was 63.1471 (if we hadn't been there it would have been 101). There was plenty of the local vintage consumed, and then they consumed some more, and then more and then decided to talk all the way through the performance. These winery crowds are all the same. The woman behind me was saying how great it is to hear live music... yes it would have been. Don't get me wrong, Leonard Cohen (and the supporting musicians) were brilliant and there were several warm and fuzzy moments (including when he did a very creditable cover version of that x factor song that was the christmas number one) but without the constant inane observations from the (mainly) women behind us... it would have been up there in my top three gigs of all time (it might even have nudged in front of Michelle Shocked, at Bradford Uni circa 1992 - although Michelle was wearing a particularly fetching black and white cat suit that evening so she probably would have just held onto third spot anyway)
I can confidently predict that unless the Wedding Present, The Pixies or Billy Bragg come to play at Sandalfords I can't see myself going to another winery gig.
That's all from me for now... I will leave you with my recommendations of five great tracks to play as an accompaniment to a romantic valentines evening...
1: Otis Redding - Try a little tenderness, 2: Roxy Music - In every dream home a heartache (but don't listen to the lyrics too closely because its about an inflatable doll), 3: Mazzy Star - give you my lovin', 4: Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get, 5: The Nolans - I'm In The Mood For Dancing (which my ipod claims I have played 5 times, I refute those claims - it's 4 at the most)
Our second Australia Day (or Invasion Day as the aboriginal people rightly call it) didn't quite live up to the magnificence of the first one... the thing is after being here a year we now have a benchmark to measure everything against. The reason for it not being quite as good was that some friends of our friends (friends of ours twice removed) have moved house... ergo we couldn't park in their drive... ergo we had to go down by train... ergo we had to sit on the opposite river bank (the rowdy one) and the view wasn't quite as spectacular because it didn't have the backdrop of the City Skyline as it did last year... the fireworks were still pretty breathtaking though. Next year I think we'll have a barbie. a couple of beers, watch the cricket and tennis on the telly and maybe light a couple of sparklers... in other words do what the (non ex-pat) aussies do. Bonza.
I know what your thinking... 'what has Harry the old romantic lined up for Wendy on
Valentines Day?'. Well, I didn't think I'd be able to top the fifty red roses, champagne breakfast and five star hotel that I didn't get for her last year so instead I sent her to Sydney for the week. She has actually gone on a 'conference', it's an odd sort of conference because on Wednesday she climbed Sydney harbour bridge (not certain whether it was part of the proceedings or she did it for 'fun'?). From the text messages I received - I get the impression that she enjoyed it... she said she didn't want to come down again, that may be because she didn't want to get back to Perth in time for Valentines Day.
By being in Sydney this week, Wendy managed to miss the second of her 'new' dance classes. She has joined a 'modern jazz and hip-hop class'. I believe my views on white folks doing hip-hop have been well documented previously so I think it's safe to say that she won't be bringing her hobby home with her. Luckily, unlike the norm, there isn't going to be a show for me to endu.. err enjoy. She really enjoyed the first class, even after she had worked out that she was twice the age of the next oldest pupil in the class.
I think Hattie might want to join the circus... she went to see Cirque du soleil with Wendy and loved it. She particularly liked the bit where a (planted) member of the audience got up and joined in with the acrobatics. If she goes again she will definitely try to join in, probably with the trick where one ballet dancer goes up on her points whilst supporting two other people on her shoulders and balancing the complete works of Charles Dickens on her nose. It sounded very good but, unfortunately, I wasn't able to go due to my 'clown allergy', that and the fact that me and George went to watch the cricket. The Aussies were taking on New Zealand in a One Day International at the WACA. As you would expect the day/night was filled with beer, colourful language and some rather dodgy facial hair... and that was just George. And as you know by now a sporting event just isn't a sporting event unless I get sat next to some annoying, loud mouthed, opinionated individual with a prop. In this case the said individual was a New Zealand supporter and the prop was an inflatable black sheep with a rather rude slogan on it... I would need to draw a diagram to explain it properly. To be fair to our antipodean neighbour he wasn't altogether unfunny, in fact some of his observations were really quite amusing the first time he made them... it was when he repeated them for the 43rd time that they started to grate a bit. He did also have the uncanny ability to produce fully inflated beach balls from thin air (maybe he should get a part in Cirque du soleil). In fact the Kiwis' (beach) balls, the sheep and an unfeasibly long beer (glass) snake held the attention of the majority of the 15,000 strong crowd more than the cricket did... even though it was a nail biting finish with the Kiwis scraping to a last ball victory - the bloke next to me didn't actually notice, he was comatose by this point.
The kids are now back at school after the 'big' holidays, they both appear to like their new teachers - especially George whose teacher is originally from Harrogate and has been having long chats with him about York and its history. He's also doing on a project on Normans - which is great because I can help him with it, there isn't much I don't know about messers Wisdom, Collier and Hunter (that was a rubbish pun even by my low standards).
I went to a music festival in the centre of Perth on Friday, the average age of the attendees was 20.543333 recurring (if I hadn't been there it would have been 18). There was plenty of alcohol consumed, there were quite a few herbal cigarettes being puffed on, and there were a lot of (us) youngsters crammed into a confined space... but there was no loutish behaviour (as long as you don't count balding, middle-aged men leering at attractive young ladies as loutish behaviour). I would quite happily go again next year (if they lift the restraining order)
In contrast, on Saturday, me and Wendy went to see Leonard Cohen at Sandalfords Winery, the average age of the attendees was 63.1471 (if we hadn't been there it would have been 101). There was plenty of the local vintage consumed, and then they consumed some more, and then more and then decided to talk all the way through the performance. These winery crowds are all the same. The woman behind me was saying how great it is to hear live music... yes it would have been. Don't get me wrong, Leonard Cohen (and the supporting musicians) were brilliant and there were several warm and fuzzy moments (including when he did a very creditable cover version of that x factor song that was the christmas number one) but without the constant inane observations from the (mainly) women behind us... it would have been up there in my top three gigs of all time (it might even have nudged in front of Michelle Shocked, at Bradford Uni circa 1992 - although Michelle was wearing a particularly fetching black and white cat suit that evening so she probably would have just held onto third spot anyway)
I can confidently predict that unless the Wedding Present, The Pixies or Billy Bragg come to play at Sandalfords I can't see myself going to another winery gig.
That's all from me for now... I will leave you with my recommendations of five great tracks to play as an accompaniment to a romantic valentines evening...
1: Otis Redding - Try a little tenderness, 2: Roxy Music - In every dream home a heartache (but don't listen to the lyrics too closely because its about an inflatable doll), 3: Mazzy Star - give you my lovin', 4: Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get, 5: The Nolans - I'm In The Mood For Dancing (which my ipod claims I have played 5 times, I refute those claims - it's 4 at the most)
Melbourne bush fires
Quite clearly there are no jokes to be had from the tragic events that took place in Victoria last weekend but I didn't want to just ignore it as it has had such a massive impact on the country, even over here in the West.
I was talking to a senior manager at FESA (Western Australia Fire and Emergency Service) today who said that there is a fire danger index that runs from 0-200, and he said that this afternoon in Perth (with the temperature at 35 degrees) the index was 37 and the fire risk was very high. Last Saturday in Victoria the index was pushing 300, it totally bust the scale and there was absolutely no way to stop the fires spreading so fast. The tragedy is that the people in the region are used to dealing with bush fires, they get them so often, but this was a firestorm that was moving at about 80km/h. It was on top of people before they even knew it was coming.
The terrain is a bit different over here in the West, it's a lot flatter, and therefore the bush fires move a bit slower but we certainly aren't immune from them.
We had a big fire (or so we thought at the time) a few weeks ago that destroyed 10,000 hectares (football pitches) of Yanchep National Park and a nearby Pine Forest. It took two days to get it under any sort of control and the smoke reached us in the suburbs about 20km away. It is of course no accident that we live in a built up area (like it's no accident that we are 5 minutes from a pub and a Chinese restaurant), neither us fancied the country because of the fire dangers, and the fact that there are even more snakes and creepy crawlies than we get now.
Don't think that we are complaining about the weather, it's very pleasant having a summer where you can plan to go out and the weather lets you. I also appreciate that people in the UK are having a particularly cold winter - I'm thinking of sending a couple of cartons of table salt to Gloucestershire city council to help them clear their roads.
Hope you are all keeping warm and safe.
H
I was talking to a senior manager at FESA (Western Australia Fire and Emergency Service) today who said that there is a fire danger index that runs from 0-200, and he said that this afternoon in Perth (with the temperature at 35 degrees) the index was 37 and the fire risk was very high. Last Saturday in Victoria the index was pushing 300, it totally bust the scale and there was absolutely no way to stop the fires spreading so fast. The tragedy is that the people in the region are used to dealing with bush fires, they get them so often, but this was a firestorm that was moving at about 80km/h. It was on top of people before they even knew it was coming.
The terrain is a bit different over here in the West, it's a lot flatter, and therefore the bush fires move a bit slower but we certainly aren't immune from them.
We had a big fire (or so we thought at the time) a few weeks ago that destroyed 10,000 hectares (football pitches) of Yanchep National Park and a nearby Pine Forest. It took two days to get it under any sort of control and the smoke reached us in the suburbs about 20km away. It is of course no accident that we live in a built up area (like it's no accident that we are 5 minutes from a pub and a Chinese restaurant), neither us fancied the country because of the fire dangers, and the fact that there are even more snakes and creepy crawlies than we get now.
Don't think that we are complaining about the weather, it's very pleasant having a summer where you can plan to go out and the weather lets you. I also appreciate that people in the UK are having a particularly cold winter - I'm thinking of sending a couple of cartons of table salt to Gloucestershire city council to help them clear their roads.
Hope you are all keeping warm and safe.
H
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
friends, family, snakes, spiders and sharks...
... we've had them all in the last month. Scary man eaters and dangerous creatures just waiting to hurt you... plus snakes, spiders and sharks (ha, ha). I am only joking, we had a fantastic time with my mother and our friends Pete and Hayley who came out from the UK to help us celebrate our first Christmas in oz. What made it even more special was the fact that it snowed... okay, so that bit is a lie but I didn't think you'd want to know that it was over 30 degrees C - that we spent the morning on the beach drinking bucks fizz, body boarding in Santa hats, playing cricket and building elaborate sandcastles - then in the afternoon we threw some shrimps on the barbie and went for a dip in the pool. I'm right aren't I - you really didn't want to hear about that.
By the same token you probably won't want to hear about our pool party - complete with diving challenges... I still can't work out how my triple somersault with pike, tuck and a flik flak into a bucket of water was not good enough to beat Pete's running bomb. Mind you, after Pete's effort there was only enough water left in the pool to fill a bucket. I reckon there was some regional bias to the voting... I only got a 5.3 from the Brighouse judge.
There are of course a great many photos of this and many of the other activities we got up to over the festive period and they are all heading your way. You'll gasp at the breathtaking views from the top of the tallest tower of the tallest building in Perth (in truth it's about the fifth tallest), you'll gush at the cute roos, koalas and dolphins (unfortunately there aren't pics of the baby koala falling about 30 feet out of a tree*... it was OK though because he was able to walk away unaided. Neither are there any photos of me dangling by my feet to recover a piece of Hatties jewellery from the self same koala enclosure - in fact, there may be pics but they will be from the CCTV security cameras so I'm hoping they haven't come out too well) that we encountered, you'll wonder why there is a kangaroo fielding at square leg when Hattie is batting during our Christmas eve game of cricket at Yanchep, you'll be totally underwhelmed by my lack of movement and coordination in the photos of our latest beach volleyball match (which we lost narrowly. We tired at the end of the last set due to the fact that we were playing inside a furnace, at the epicentre of the sun which itself had been placed inside a McDonalds apple pie), but mostly you'll be desperately trying to spot clouds in the endless blue skies.
You may be thinking that it doesn't sound very Christmassy and I guess you are right... but we still managed to go to a Christmas Carol concert (they even sang I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... maybe they were thinking more pharmacological than meteorological) and we visited a street (along with hundreds of other people) in which every house was decorated with over the top Christmas lights, Hattie and I watched 'It's a Wonderful Life' and one of us blubbed like a big girl (Uncle Billy the money is in the newspaper and Potter has got it), we even had mince pies (we didn't think there was much call for mulled wine though). But the most Christmassy thing was that we were able to share it with family and friends - so you best start saving up to come and join us next year. The thing is if you are the next people to visit us we will still be up for going to all the tourist attractions, but it's going to get to a point where we have seen them all so many times that when visitors turn up we just throw them a map and the car keys and say 'fill your boots, we'll be by the pool when you get back'. We look forward to seeing you, but please be warned it does get a tad warm (it was 39 degrees on New Years Day - it can feel quite oppressive especially when added to an hangover) and there are a few dangerous creatures around (and I'm not just talking about George and Hattie). We have had a few red back spiders in the back yard, in the more dark, secluded corners (which only I am ever sent into)... they are poisonous but they keep themselves to themselves. It is only the female that is dangerous - both sexes carry venom but only the female has jaws that are strong enough to penetrate human skin - I did have a joke about female jaws being stronger because they get far more exercise than their male counterparts but the fear of feeling the wrath of my female readership means I won't be sharing it with you.
The next door neighbours claim to have seen (and hit with a shovel) a snake... which if it is true means that there is a venomous snake in the neighbourhood with a headache and a score to settle.
You may also have heard about the man who was attacked and killed by a white pointer (great white) shark just south of Perth between Christmas and new year. Scared yet? The thing is of course that it is far more dangerous to travel on the roads (oh yeah, you're going to have to do that as well) ... I only tell you these things so that you don't start complaining when you get here. Look, if it helps, I'll put an extra bottle of wine and some lager in the (outdoor) beer fridge so it's nice and cool ready for when you arrive.
Because of the long gap between blogs there is lots of news that I haven't yet passed on... namely Hattie getting 'an end of year' prize from school, Me and my mum watching George's cricket team winning by two runs (we missed George taking a wicket due to the fact that we'd had to go to a nearby cafe to have a full English breakfast... it's a long story), Hattie performing in a dance show (the show lasted 3 hours... whilst most of it was quite bearable - I have to admit that I do have a problem with watching white kids with even less sense of rhythm than me gyrating awkwardly to hip-hop music... it's just wrong), Wendy is probably off on another trip in February.. this time over to Sydney.
Right, I'm done... I'll be back in a fortnight to tell you what it is like to have lived upside down for an entire year (has David Blaine tried that one?)
What time is it with you?
By the way, I did get socks for Christmas - three lots.
*I wasn't there to see this incident but I had some of my best operatives on the scene
By the same token you probably won't want to hear about our pool party - complete with diving challenges... I still can't work out how my triple somersault with pike, tuck and a flik flak into a bucket of water was not good enough to beat Pete's running bomb. Mind you, after Pete's effort there was only enough water left in the pool to fill a bucket. I reckon there was some regional bias to the voting... I only got a 5.3 from the Brighouse judge.
There are of course a great many photos of this and many of the other activities we got up to over the festive period and they are all heading your way. You'll gasp at the breathtaking views from the top of the tallest tower of the tallest building in Perth (in truth it's about the fifth tallest), you'll gush at the cute roos, koalas and dolphins (unfortunately there aren't pics of the baby koala falling about 30 feet out of a tree*... it was OK though because he was able to walk away unaided. Neither are there any photos of me dangling by my feet to recover a piece of Hatties jewellery from the self same koala enclosure - in fact, there may be pics but they will be from the CCTV security cameras so I'm hoping they haven't come out too well) that we encountered, you'll wonder why there is a kangaroo fielding at square leg when Hattie is batting during our Christmas eve game of cricket at Yanchep, you'll be totally underwhelmed by my lack of movement and coordination in the photos of our latest beach volleyball match (which we lost narrowly. We tired at the end of the last set due to the fact that we were playing inside a furnace, at the epicentre of the sun which itself had been placed inside a McDonalds apple pie), but mostly you'll be desperately trying to spot clouds in the endless blue skies.
You may be thinking that it doesn't sound very Christmassy and I guess you are right... but we still managed to go to a Christmas Carol concert (they even sang I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... maybe they were thinking more pharmacological than meteorological) and we visited a street (along with hundreds of other people) in which every house was decorated with over the top Christmas lights, Hattie and I watched 'It's a Wonderful Life' and one of us blubbed like a big girl (Uncle Billy the money is in the newspaper and Potter has got it), we even had mince pies (we didn't think there was much call for mulled wine though). But the most Christmassy thing was that we were able to share it with family and friends - so you best start saving up to come and join us next year. The thing is if you are the next people to visit us we will still be up for going to all the tourist attractions, but it's going to get to a point where we have seen them all so many times that when visitors turn up we just throw them a map and the car keys and say 'fill your boots, we'll be by the pool when you get back'. We look forward to seeing you, but please be warned it does get a tad warm (it was 39 degrees on New Years Day - it can feel quite oppressive especially when added to an hangover) and there are a few dangerous creatures around (and I'm not just talking about George and Hattie). We have had a few red back spiders in the back yard, in the more dark, secluded corners (which only I am ever sent into)... they are poisonous but they keep themselves to themselves. It is only the female that is dangerous - both sexes carry venom but only the female has jaws that are strong enough to penetrate human skin - I did have a joke about female jaws being stronger because they get far more exercise than their male counterparts but the fear of feeling the wrath of my female readership means I won't be sharing it with you.
The next door neighbours claim to have seen (and hit with a shovel) a snake... which if it is true means that there is a venomous snake in the neighbourhood with a headache and a score to settle.
You may also have heard about the man who was attacked and killed by a white pointer (great white) shark just south of Perth between Christmas and new year. Scared yet? The thing is of course that it is far more dangerous to travel on the roads (oh yeah, you're going to have to do that as well) ... I only tell you these things so that you don't start complaining when you get here. Look, if it helps, I'll put an extra bottle of wine and some lager in the (outdoor) beer fridge so it's nice and cool ready for when you arrive.
Because of the long gap between blogs there is lots of news that I haven't yet passed on... namely Hattie getting 'an end of year' prize from school, Me and my mum watching George's cricket team winning by two runs (we missed George taking a wicket due to the fact that we'd had to go to a nearby cafe to have a full English breakfast... it's a long story), Hattie performing in a dance show (the show lasted 3 hours... whilst most of it was quite bearable - I have to admit that I do have a problem with watching white kids with even less sense of rhythm than me gyrating awkwardly to hip-hop music... it's just wrong), Wendy is probably off on another trip in February.. this time over to Sydney.
Right, I'm done... I'll be back in a fortnight to tell you what it is like to have lived upside down for an entire year (has David Blaine tried that one?)
What time is it with you?
By the way, I did get socks for Christmas - three lots.
*I wasn't there to see this incident but I had some of my best operatives on the scene
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Me nightie's slippin'...So is your accent, Countess
...ahh mr Bond we've been expecting you. Of course, I would have made a perfect Bond... handsome, debonair, errr muscular, a hit with the ladies. No? Maybe I would have made a good Bond Villain? Bond Girl? Anyway, as you will have guessed, we are getting excited about the latest instalment of the world's greatest movie franchise.. no, not High School Musical 3... James Bond in a Quarter of Swordfish (I think 'swordfish' must be some kind of old fashioned boiled sweets a bit like Yorkshire Mixture). The film actually arrives here next week and is rated M (for a mature audience - which means that George can go.. though it's a bit iffy over whether I qualify to go or not). We are taking one of George's school friends as well - he's of Scottish extraction so I expect he'll keep chipping in all through the film going 'see yah man Craig... ah, he's nay Connery' (did I say Scottish.. maybe he was Welsh - I can't do impressions). Don't know if I really want to go or not.. whilst I don't understand the film title, I'm guessing that I should be able to follow the plot line okay.. cars, scantily clad women, things exploding, planned world domination, scantily clad women, high speed chases, oh and scantily clad women... maybe I will go after all.
Talking of World domination.. Wendy went to the November meeting of the Connolly Residents Association. The main topics of conversation were dog poo, whether the local Supermarket should have a fish counter or not and how to spend the $10million dollars surplus - that was left in the budget at the completion of the Freeway Extension project. You will have already guessed which topic Wendy was most interested in.. yes, the need for the fish counter - you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to get a decent mullet around here (and were not talking Chris Waddles haircut). Wendy really enjoyed the evening and is looking forward to going to the next meeting - I'm betting that she'll be on at least one committee inside 12 months.
Talking of betting (how contrived is this blog getting?)... it was the 'big' horse race ('big' as in a very popular race - not as in a race for particularly large horses) here last Tuesday - The Melbourne Cup. It is billed as the race that 'stops a nation', which I figured was just media hype.. but not for the first time I was wrong. On my way to work I saw 'ladies' dressed up as if to go to the races.. dresses, hats, errr saddles, even though they were roughly 2500 miles and two time zones from the course. At work, we stopped to watch the race, Wendy's work stopped to watch the race, George's class stopped to watch the race, and while Hattie's class didn't watch the race.. they did have a sweep on it. Now, that is a proper curriculum... today we will be learning about the sport of kings.
Talking of sport, I hope you have noticed that since my arrival in the country the Australian cricket team has gone from a position of 'invincibility' to one of very definite... errr.. vincibilty. I'm not claiming that I'm solely responsible for the decline but it can't be a total coincidence that I start supporting them and their form dips quite markedly. It may only be a temporary blip though because George is making a concerted effort to make the Test team. He got an award for his performance in his first match, the award was a certificate and a voucher for a very healthy meal - cheeseburger, fries and a coke (I wonder why 48% of Australians are overweight? Talking of which I have put on over a stone since I got here... it's got to be middle age spread or the change of climate.. I can't see that it would be the lager, or pies). George continued his good bowling form this week, taking a wicket in his first over again - he clean bowled the opening batsman with the 3rd ball. The former Australian Test cricketer Brad Hogg is going to Connolly School tomorrow.. probably to pick up some bowling tips from George.
Talking of school, Hattie got another merit award last week.. this time it was for her consien.. consciensiou.. contscien... her attentive 'home reading'. At the moment she is mainly reading Roald Dahl and the complete works of the toys 'r' us christmas catalogue.
Talking of christmas... I've got to go now to send my christmas list to Santa (I'm sending it to the south pole because it's closer), I'm mainly asking for socks this year.
What do you reckon my chances are of getting any?
Talking of World domination.. Wendy went to the November meeting of the Connolly Residents Association. The main topics of conversation were dog poo, whether the local Supermarket should have a fish counter or not and how to spend the $10million dollars surplus - that was left in the budget at the completion of the Freeway Extension project. You will have already guessed which topic Wendy was most interested in.. yes, the need for the fish counter - you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to get a decent mullet around here (and were not talking Chris Waddles haircut). Wendy really enjoyed the evening and is looking forward to going to the next meeting - I'm betting that she'll be on at least one committee inside 12 months.
Talking of betting (how contrived is this blog getting?)... it was the 'big' horse race ('big' as in a very popular race - not as in a race for particularly large horses) here last Tuesday - The Melbourne Cup. It is billed as the race that 'stops a nation', which I figured was just media hype.. but not for the first time I was wrong. On my way to work I saw 'ladies' dressed up as if to go to the races.. dresses, hats, errr saddles, even though they were roughly 2500 miles and two time zones from the course. At work, we stopped to watch the race, Wendy's work stopped to watch the race, George's class stopped to watch the race, and while Hattie's class didn't watch the race.. they did have a sweep on it. Now, that is a proper curriculum... today we will be learning about the sport of kings.
Talking of sport, I hope you have noticed that since my arrival in the country the Australian cricket team has gone from a position of 'invincibility' to one of very definite... errr.. vincibilty. I'm not claiming that I'm solely responsible for the decline but it can't be a total coincidence that I start supporting them and their form dips quite markedly. It may only be a temporary blip though because George is making a concerted effort to make the Test team. He got an award for his performance in his first match, the award was a certificate and a voucher for a very healthy meal - cheeseburger, fries and a coke (I wonder why 48% of Australians are overweight? Talking of which I have put on over a stone since I got here... it's got to be middle age spread or the change of climate.. I can't see that it would be the lager, or pies). George continued his good bowling form this week, taking a wicket in his first over again - he clean bowled the opening batsman with the 3rd ball. The former Australian Test cricketer Brad Hogg is going to Connolly School tomorrow.. probably to pick up some bowling tips from George.
Talking of school, Hattie got another merit award last week.. this time it was for her consien.. consciensiou.. contscien... her attentive 'home reading'. At the moment she is mainly reading Roald Dahl and the complete works of the toys 'r' us christmas catalogue.
Talking of christmas... I've got to go now to send my christmas list to Santa (I'm sending it to the south pole because it's closer), I'm mainly asking for socks this year.
What do you reckon my chances are of getting any?
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Dear BBC...why, oh why, oh why?
I wish to complain... ok I haven't actually heard the offending incident (or even the programmes full of people discussing the incident) but I am still shocked and annoyed and I'm refusing to pay my licence fee as a protest... I've also sent my MBE back to the Queen (not that I've got anything against you ma'am - by the way thanks for the extra day off in September).
Yours Sincerely,
Angry of Tonbridge Wells.
And now for something exactly the same as all the previous blogs....
blah, blah, blah sunny weather... blah, blah, blah... swimming pool... blah, blah, blah... annoying Irish man with a tall tricolour top hat and a drum (okay, so that bit is different).
As you will no doubt be aware yesterday (Friday) was Halloween - yes surprisingly, if the Queen's birthday is anything to go by, we also 'celebrate' it on the 31st of October. It being an American invention, trick or treating is very popular over here so we prepared accordingly... bought loads of confectionery, dressed Hattie up as a witch, and wired the door bell up to the mains (actually I didn't do that on purpose it was just a natural result of my DIY shortcomings). In the end we only got a couple of visits.. it has to be said that the effect of kids dressed in illuminous skeleton suits is considerably less scary when they knock (they had obviously sussed the doorbell) at your door at 7pm and the street is still bathed in brilliant sunshine. It also has to be said that there is something very scary about being able to see their mums dressed up as witches in the same light (I think they were dressed up).
So, we survived Halloween unscathed. I don't think we have mischievous night over here because we don't have bonfire night.. or maybe we do and it's in January and we commemorate it by putting some snaggers on the barbie... I really don't know.
Before I go any further, I must clear up some housekeeping from last time - I forgot to say that Wendy had passed her final exam and is now free to enjoy her summer in peace, and now I've passed on the news (eventually) I am free to enjoy my summer in peace.
Ah summer, the smell of cut grass, strawberries and cream (actually the strawberry season appears to be spring here), the sound of leather on willow and...snakes. We thought we'd actually found one the other week. Luckily it was Hattie that found it when she went in the garage to get her bike... luckily it was Hattie... and not me. It did look like a snake, all be it not very long (I'm trying very hard to avoid any 'Carry On' style jokes here). In the end it just turned out to be a lizard with very short legs. As if there aren't enough creatures to worry about without the need for lizards to start going around impersonating snakes.
The sound of leather on willow brings me neatly onto my weekend activity (no, don't start making up your own 'Carry On' style jokes), namely taking George to his cricket matches. He has joined the Joondalup Kinross Cricket Club (JKCC) under 12's team (red team) and played his first match over the last two Saturday's... yes, each match lasts for two weeks. JKCC fielded in the first week and George managed to take a wicket with the 3rd ball of his first over with a good length ball in the corridoor of uncertainity (about 6 inches outside the leg stump) that the batsman paddled to Sunil at fine leg who took a good catch. This week, I didn't see him bat (I was too nervous) but he managed a very respectable 2 off 15 balls (boycottesque) before playing the ball onto his stumps. I have endeavoured to try to pass my extensive cricket knowledge down to the next generation.. just as I have passed on all of my best dance moves on to Hattie. However, I'm not sure whether she will be able to incorporate them into the dance show that she is in at christmas... apparently she is playing the part of the ballerina in a wind-up musical box.
This weekend we were invited to go with some of our frinds to see Def Leppard & Cheap Trick... and some other friends invited us to go with them to see Tony Hadley & Paul Young... in the end we settled on staying at home to re-arrange my used tea bag collection (I've decided to display my Liptons pyramid bag alongside a vintage Tetley's rectangular bag - very controversial... I'm sure angry of Tonbridge Wells will have something to say about it). Still, I believe we made the right choice.
And finally.... the Irish man and his drum. Remarkably I managed to go to a sporting event without getting sat next to the mad old lady who feels compelled to shout inane observations through the entire proceedings. Remarkably, she was replaced with the aforementioned Irish gentleman who managed to produce a drum from about his person the moment the Irish team stepped onto the pitch. He was very lucky that the drum didn't disappear up another part of his person shortly afterwards... good job I'm a tolerant, well mannered... coward. The game was a strange hybrid of Australian and Gaelic football, the rules of which are far too complicated to understand, never mind try to explain, so I won't even try. Ireland won 45-44 much to the delight of the man (and drum) sat adjacent to me and the other 20,000 Irish supporters in the crowd of 35,000. I'm guessing they must have all made the 19 hour journey for the match, otherwise, if they were living and working over here surely they would have been supporting Australia (I know, I sound like Norman Tebbitt).
Anyway, I personally, must be Australian now because I play beach volleyball. Yes, I've finally got around to telling the tale. In response to the FAQs... (i) no we don't wear uniforms, be it bikinis, mankinis or budgie smugglers, (ii)Yes it is indoors and yes it's real sand - it's a couple of feet deep... I have dug down a bit, but then I remembered that hundreds of pairs of feet have been in that sand over the course of the evening and quickly abandoned the excavation..(iii) no the sand is not very good for building sandcastles with and even worse for making tunnels, (iv) No, I'm not very good - but our team is in the top division, (v) No, the ball is not made of Wensleydale cheese, (vi) Bob Holnes was actually the second person to play the character of James Bond (not sure what that question has got to do with volleyball but people keep asking it anyway).
Enough, I've got to go now... I've been asked to leave a message on Jo Brand's answer machine (surely that should be Russell Brand - whatever) ... here goes... hey Jo
Because I didn't go to see Def Leppard or Tony Hadley I stayed home and listened to: 1: Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye - Leonard Cohen, 2: The Thing I Like Best About Him is His Girlfriend - Wedding Present, 3: Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues - Bryan Ferry, 4: On Tooting Broadway Station - Kitchens of Distinction, 5: The Prince - Madness
Yours Sincerely,
Angry of Tonbridge Wells.
And now for something exactly the same as all the previous blogs....
blah, blah, blah sunny weather... blah, blah, blah... swimming pool... blah, blah, blah... annoying Irish man with a tall tricolour top hat and a drum (okay, so that bit is different).
As you will no doubt be aware yesterday (Friday) was Halloween - yes surprisingly, if the Queen's birthday is anything to go by, we also 'celebrate' it on the 31st of October. It being an American invention, trick or treating is very popular over here so we prepared accordingly... bought loads of confectionery, dressed Hattie up as a witch, and wired the door bell up to the mains (actually I didn't do that on purpose it was just a natural result of my DIY shortcomings). In the end we only got a couple of visits.. it has to be said that the effect of kids dressed in illuminous skeleton suits is considerably less scary when they knock (they had obviously sussed the doorbell) at your door at 7pm and the street is still bathed in brilliant sunshine. It also has to be said that there is something very scary about being able to see their mums dressed up as witches in the same light (I think they were dressed up).
So, we survived Halloween unscathed. I don't think we have mischievous night over here because we don't have bonfire night.. or maybe we do and it's in January and we commemorate it by putting some snaggers on the barbie... I really don't know.
Before I go any further, I must clear up some housekeeping from last time - I forgot to say that Wendy had passed her final exam and is now free to enjoy her summer in peace, and now I've passed on the news (eventually) I am free to enjoy my summer in peace.
Ah summer, the smell of cut grass, strawberries and cream (actually the strawberry season appears to be spring here), the sound of leather on willow and...snakes. We thought we'd actually found one the other week. Luckily it was Hattie that found it when she went in the garage to get her bike... luckily it was Hattie... and not me. It did look like a snake, all be it not very long (I'm trying very hard to avoid any 'Carry On' style jokes here). In the end it just turned out to be a lizard with very short legs. As if there aren't enough creatures to worry about without the need for lizards to start going around impersonating snakes.
The sound of leather on willow brings me neatly onto my weekend activity (no, don't start making up your own 'Carry On' style jokes), namely taking George to his cricket matches. He has joined the Joondalup Kinross Cricket Club (JKCC) under 12's team (red team) and played his first match over the last two Saturday's... yes, each match lasts for two weeks. JKCC fielded in the first week and George managed to take a wicket with the 3rd ball of his first over with a good length ball in the corridoor of uncertainity (about 6 inches outside the leg stump) that the batsman paddled to Sunil at fine leg who took a good catch. This week, I didn't see him bat (I was too nervous) but he managed a very respectable 2 off 15 balls (boycottesque) before playing the ball onto his stumps. I have endeavoured to try to pass my extensive cricket knowledge down to the next generation.. just as I have passed on all of my best dance moves on to Hattie. However, I'm not sure whether she will be able to incorporate them into the dance show that she is in at christmas... apparently she is playing the part of the ballerina in a wind-up musical box.
This weekend we were invited to go with some of our frinds to see Def Leppard & Cheap Trick... and some other friends invited us to go with them to see Tony Hadley & Paul Young... in the end we settled on staying at home to re-arrange my used tea bag collection (I've decided to display my Liptons pyramid bag alongside a vintage Tetley's rectangular bag - very controversial... I'm sure angry of Tonbridge Wells will have something to say about it). Still, I believe we made the right choice.
And finally.... the Irish man and his drum. Remarkably I managed to go to a sporting event without getting sat next to the mad old lady who feels compelled to shout inane observations through the entire proceedings. Remarkably, she was replaced with the aforementioned Irish gentleman who managed to produce a drum from about his person the moment the Irish team stepped onto the pitch. He was very lucky that the drum didn't disappear up another part of his person shortly afterwards... good job I'm a tolerant, well mannered... coward. The game was a strange hybrid of Australian and Gaelic football, the rules of which are far too complicated to understand, never mind try to explain, so I won't even try. Ireland won 45-44 much to the delight of the man (and drum) sat adjacent to me and the other 20,000 Irish supporters in the crowd of 35,000. I'm guessing they must have all made the 19 hour journey for the match, otherwise, if they were living and working over here surely they would have been supporting Australia (I know, I sound like Norman Tebbitt).
Anyway, I personally, must be Australian now because I play beach volleyball. Yes, I've finally got around to telling the tale. In response to the FAQs... (i) no we don't wear uniforms, be it bikinis, mankinis or budgie smugglers, (ii)Yes it is indoors and yes it's real sand - it's a couple of feet deep... I have dug down a bit, but then I remembered that hundreds of pairs of feet have been in that sand over the course of the evening and quickly abandoned the excavation..(iii) no the sand is not very good for building sandcastles with and even worse for making tunnels, (iv) No, I'm not very good - but our team is in the top division, (v) No, the ball is not made of Wensleydale cheese, (vi) Bob Holnes was actually the second person to play the character of James Bond (not sure what that question has got to do with volleyball but people keep asking it anyway).
Enough, I've got to go now... I've been asked to leave a message on Jo Brand's answer machine (surely that should be Russell Brand - whatever) ... here goes... hey Jo
Because I didn't go to see Def Leppard or Tony Hadley I stayed home and listened to: 1: Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye - Leonard Cohen, 2: The Thing I Like Best About Him is His Girlfriend - Wedding Present, 3: Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues - Bryan Ferry, 4: On Tooting Broadway Station - Kitchens of Distinction, 5: The Prince - Madness
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Blimey what a north and south
How long is it now? (ooohhh matron... always good to start with 'Carry on Style' double entendre). The reasons for the gap between blogs are many fold - The main ones being that we have been on a couple of road trips and that I've discovered a You Tube website that has loads of old editions of the Chart Show from 1989 and 1990 (the golden age of 'Indie music').
Firstly, I know you're desperate for a weather update so here goes. It is spring now , I know this because I have seen all the usual spring type things - daffodils, tulips,... err lizards. The fact that it's spring means the weather is pretty changeable, how's the saying go? October showers November flowers... or something like that. Today, for instance, it's been 31 degrees and yesterday it was 32... like I said it's changeable. It's so warm that we jumped straight into the pool when we got back from our road trip up north today and I've had to start putting ice in my cider... it's very nice though (someone should market it, I think it would do quite well).
Our trip this weekend was up to the pinnacles desert which is about three hours north of Perth. We went up on Saturday and got there in time to see the sunset over the Pinnacles, which are hundreds of limestone outcrops spread over about sixty acres that formed underneath the sand over thousands of years and have come to light (possibly as recently as 300 years ago) as the sands that covered them have shifted into other areas. The geologists amongst you will know that limestone is white in colour - but at sunset it reflects the colours in the sky - so the rocks look orange and pink and the colours are changing every moment. This of course means that you end up taking hundreds of photos - in our household this phenomena of taking an unnecessary number of photos of one subject has become known as a 'Pelican moment' due to an incident where Wendy became snap happy when she encountered the aforementioned bird at Yanchep within the first few weeks of our arrival in Western Australia. So be warned October's photos will mainly be of interestingly lit rocks and the four of us messing about in the swimming pool.
September's pics were mainly of our trip down south that we took during the 'long weekend' - that took in the public holiday we had for the Queen's birthday (okay, so the Queen's two birthdays are in April and June but we get a day off in September, it makes no sense but a day off is a day off... so god bless you ma'am).
------
There was a pause there while I got some more ice for my drink... I may have accidentally emptied another bottle of cider into my glass as well.
Anyway, we went south into the Margaret River wine region. For those non wine connoisseurs amongst you - the majority of wines produced in the region are Semmilon Sauvignon blanc. If you were to go to a tasting you would get (in the style of Jilly Goolden) melons, summer meadows, honey, hollyhocks... out of your tree. It was a very good trip.. the coastline is very picturesque but for some reason I can't remember that much about the trip... I knew we shouldn't have taken the cork screw with us.
Other stuff.
This week Hattie has got a ballet assessment, not sure what that means exactly... it's not quite an exam and I don't think it affects what class she is in for her dancing in the future, but she has to leave school early, use hairspray to plaster her hair to her head and wave one of my (clean) hankies in the air... it sounds more like Morris Dancing than ballet.
George has joined a cricket team... he may play his first game this coming Saturday (it may well depend upon whether I can follow the directions to the venue).
Wendy has taken up jogging because there is no dance group that she can join... of course she knew she wouldn't be able to find anything of the calibre of the York School of Dance and Drama... but she has not been able to find anything at all. She even considered ballroom dancing but was put off by a sequin bedecked Wayne Sleep wannabe on the door.
As for me ....Beach Volleyball - I'll tell you next time, I promise .
This blog was brought to you by the letters X and Z and the number 1.333333 recurring.
This week's essential tunes are: 1 - Young Love by The Mystery Jets, 2 - She Understands by The Summer Suns, 3 - Only Tongue Can Tell by The Trashcan Sinatras, 4 - Don't Take Me Home Until I'm Drunk - The Wedding Present, 5 - Nose out of Joint by The Chesterfields.
Firstly, I know you're desperate for a weather update so here goes. It is spring now , I know this because I have seen all the usual spring type things - daffodils, tulips,... err lizards. The fact that it's spring means the weather is pretty changeable, how's the saying go? October showers November flowers... or something like that. Today, for instance, it's been 31 degrees and yesterday it was 32... like I said it's changeable. It's so warm that we jumped straight into the pool when we got back from our road trip up north today and I've had to start putting ice in my cider... it's very nice though (someone should market it, I think it would do quite well).
Our trip this weekend was up to the pinnacles desert which is about three hours north of Perth. We went up on Saturday and got there in time to see the sunset over the Pinnacles, which are hundreds of limestone outcrops spread over about sixty acres that formed underneath the sand over thousands of years and have come to light (possibly as recently as 300 years ago) as the sands that covered them have shifted into other areas. The geologists amongst you will know that limestone is white in colour - but at sunset it reflects the colours in the sky - so the rocks look orange and pink and the colours are changing every moment. This of course means that you end up taking hundreds of photos - in our household this phenomena of taking an unnecessary number of photos of one subject has become known as a 'Pelican moment' due to an incident where Wendy became snap happy when she encountered the aforementioned bird at Yanchep within the first few weeks of our arrival in Western Australia. So be warned October's photos will mainly be of interestingly lit rocks and the four of us messing about in the swimming pool.
September's pics were mainly of our trip down south that we took during the 'long weekend' - that took in the public holiday we had for the Queen's birthday (okay, so the Queen's two birthdays are in April and June but we get a day off in September, it makes no sense but a day off is a day off... so god bless you ma'am).
------
There was a pause there while I got some more ice for my drink... I may have accidentally emptied another bottle of cider into my glass as well.
Anyway, we went south into the Margaret River wine region. For those non wine connoisseurs amongst you - the majority of wines produced in the region are Semmilon Sauvignon blanc. If you were to go to a tasting you would get (in the style of Jilly Goolden) melons, summer meadows, honey, hollyhocks... out of your tree. It was a very good trip.. the coastline is very picturesque but for some reason I can't remember that much about the trip... I knew we shouldn't have taken the cork screw with us.
Other stuff.
This week Hattie has got a ballet assessment, not sure what that means exactly... it's not quite an exam and I don't think it affects what class she is in for her dancing in the future, but she has to leave school early, use hairspray to plaster her hair to her head and wave one of my (clean) hankies in the air... it sounds more like Morris Dancing than ballet.
George has joined a cricket team... he may play his first game this coming Saturday (it may well depend upon whether I can follow the directions to the venue).
Wendy has taken up jogging because there is no dance group that she can join... of course she knew she wouldn't be able to find anything of the calibre of the York School of Dance and Drama... but she has not been able to find anything at all. She even considered ballroom dancing but was put off by a sequin bedecked Wayne Sleep wannabe on the door.
As for me ....Beach Volleyball - I'll tell you next time, I promise .
This blog was brought to you by the letters X and Z and the number 1.333333 recurring.
This week's essential tunes are: 1 - Young Love by The Mystery Jets, 2 - She Understands by The Summer Suns, 3 - Only Tongue Can Tell by The Trashcan Sinatras, 4 - Don't Take Me Home Until I'm Drunk - The Wedding Present, 5 - Nose out of Joint by The Chesterfields.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I'm trying a new tack for this blog. I'm writing it on a Saturday morning, without the assistance (or reliance) on alcohol. Yes, it's my first sober blog for quite some time, I doubt that it will have a positive effect on the spelling, grammar or general quality of the writing but I'll give it a go anyway.
There are several reasons why I've chosen to shut myself in the office this morning to tap (painfully slowly) away on the computer. The first, and probably most truthful, is that I'm hiding out in an attempt to avoid the housework. Secondly (and our UK readers will be able to relate to this) the weather is a wee bit inclement at the moment. It's a bit breezy, only 18 degrees and there are some threatening looking clouds scudding across.
Fourthly (it would appear that sobriety hasn't done much for my numeracy either) we are going to a party later... I'm guessing that there will be a barbecue, several gallons of lager and a lot of nonsense will be spouted (mainly by me).
This Arvo, me and George are off to a big footy match - the Falcons are playing the Swans in the WAFL (pronounced waffle - as in Birdseye potato waffles.. they're waffly versatile) elimination final. We will be barracking for (Aussie speak for cheering on) the Falcons (West Perth)... so you might want to get some money on Swan Districts.
George is now out of plaster - we are making him wear a tube bandage on his right arm, not to give any support to his wrist, but to remind him that he has to be careful. Little does he know that there is also a small monitoring device implanted in the bandage that triggers an alarm every time he starts to climb trees or participate in contact sports... which in turn activates avoice recording of his mother saying ..George don't do that (ala Joyce Grenfell - one for our older readers)
Wendy's exams are now complete - she thinks she did okay, she said her arm was aching at the end of it - whether this was because she wrote a lot, or because she spent three hours leaning on it whilst looking out of the window (my particular exam technique) is unclear. It will be a few weeks before she finds out the results, but she's not intending to do any more studying... especially not now the temperature of the swimming pool is becoming slightly less akin to that of the arctic ocean.
Hattie got the dubious honour of christening the pool (hopefully not literally). She swam a couple of lengths in a time that Stephanie Rice would have been proud, albeit in the interests of self preservation - if she had gone any slower ice would have started to form on her arms and legs. Despite the fact that she had turned blue, I was persuaded to jump in as well - those of you who've seen the recent batch of photos may be able to see that I've got two lumps in my throat, they have gradually worked there way back to there proper position and I'm no longer talking in a Soprano voice. If you have seen the photos, you will have no doubt thought to yourself - what a fine figure of a man, I wonder why he never took up a career as an International Super model? Well, it just so happens that even at this late stage I may not have been entirely lost to the modelling industry. To see the results of my first modelling assignment go to .. http://www.bassendean.wa.gov.au/library/. If you scroll down the page to the news and events section.. the pictures accompanying the story 'Talking books in a new format' are me. I hear rumours that Kate Moss is getting worried already.. mainly because I'm even skinnier than she is.
We went to see Bill Bailey this week - he was excellent his ad-libbing is just superb. His vision of the Opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics was hilarious.. it involves the Queen on a giant motorised Yorkshire pudding surrounded by hundreds of performers who are portraying mushy peas and gravy through the power of contemporary dance. No mention of Morris Dancers though.
Right, I'm off now for a bit of barracking - not sure whether the tea total blog was a success or not... but I appear to have written twice as much in half the time.... all nonsense of course (nothing new there)
I will leave you with the news that I have finally hung up my football boots and taken up a new sport. The whole thing of there being more than one code of football was just too confusing and I was never comfortable calling it soccer so I've retired. Instead, I've taken up a much more Australian sport...
... Beach Volleyball (but slightly more surreally - it's indoor beach volleyball). I'll elaborate next time.
This message was brought to you whilst listening to Talking Heads and then The Housemartins.
There are several reasons why I've chosen to shut myself in the office this morning to tap (painfully slowly) away on the computer. The first, and probably most truthful, is that I'm hiding out in an attempt to avoid the housework. Secondly (and our UK readers will be able to relate to this) the weather is a wee bit inclement at the moment. It's a bit breezy, only 18 degrees and there are some threatening looking clouds scudding across.
Fourthly (it would appear that sobriety hasn't done much for my numeracy either) we are going to a party later... I'm guessing that there will be a barbecue, several gallons of lager and a lot of nonsense will be spouted (mainly by me).
This Arvo, me and George are off to a big footy match - the Falcons are playing the Swans in the WAFL (pronounced waffle - as in Birdseye potato waffles.. they're waffly versatile) elimination final. We will be barracking for (Aussie speak for cheering on) the Falcons (West Perth)... so you might want to get some money on Swan Districts.
George is now out of plaster - we are making him wear a tube bandage on his right arm, not to give any support to his wrist, but to remind him that he has to be careful. Little does he know that there is also a small monitoring device implanted in the bandage that triggers an alarm every time he starts to climb trees or participate in contact sports... which in turn activates avoice recording of his mother saying ..George don't do that (ala Joyce Grenfell - one for our older readers)
Wendy's exams are now complete - she thinks she did okay, she said her arm was aching at the end of it - whether this was because she wrote a lot, or because she spent three hours leaning on it whilst looking out of the window (my particular exam technique) is unclear. It will be a few weeks before she finds out the results, but she's not intending to do any more studying... especially not now the temperature of the swimming pool is becoming slightly less akin to that of the arctic ocean.
Hattie got the dubious honour of christening the pool (hopefully not literally). She swam a couple of lengths in a time that Stephanie Rice would have been proud, albeit in the interests of self preservation - if she had gone any slower ice would have started to form on her arms and legs. Despite the fact that she had turned blue, I was persuaded to jump in as well - those of you who've seen the recent batch of photos may be able to see that I've got two lumps in my throat, they have gradually worked there way back to there proper position and I'm no longer talking in a Soprano voice. If you have seen the photos, you will have no doubt thought to yourself - what a fine figure of a man, I wonder why he never took up a career as an International Super model? Well, it just so happens that even at this late stage I may not have been entirely lost to the modelling industry. To see the results of my first modelling assignment go to .. http://www.bassendean.wa.gov.au/library/. If you scroll down the page to the news and events section.. the pictures accompanying the story 'Talking books in a new format' are me. I hear rumours that Kate Moss is getting worried already.. mainly because I'm even skinnier than she is.
We went to see Bill Bailey this week - he was excellent his ad-libbing is just superb. His vision of the Opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics was hilarious.. it involves the Queen on a giant motorised Yorkshire pudding surrounded by hundreds of performers who are portraying mushy peas and gravy through the power of contemporary dance. No mention of Morris Dancers though.
Right, I'm off now for a bit of barracking - not sure whether the tea total blog was a success or not... but I appear to have written twice as much in half the time.... all nonsense of course (nothing new there)
I will leave you with the news that I have finally hung up my football boots and taken up a new sport. The whole thing of there being more than one code of football was just too confusing and I was never comfortable calling it soccer so I've retired. Instead, I've taken up a much more Australian sport...
... Beach Volleyball (but slightly more surreally - it's indoor beach volleyball). I'll elaborate next time.
This message was brought to you whilst listening to Talking Heads and then The Housemartins.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
throw your skinny body down son
Well that was an interesting week.
It started with 'number one son' trying to emulate tarzan and ending up more like George of the Jungle. One minute he was swinging through the air with the greatest of ease the next he's dangling by his arm from a rope net.
Apparently it was such a severe break that even people without my vast medical knowledge were able to ascertain that something was amiss... it may well have been because the bones were set at rather a jaunty angle.
The upshot was that we ended up in casualty. The UK tax payers amongst you will be pleased to note that the Australian nursing system is populated almost exclusively by NHS trained nurses... and very good they are too.
You will also be pleased to know that the children in A&E departments here have the same ailments as those in the UK... broken bones, gastric problems, allergic reactions to peanuts, snake bites. It's true, the boy in the next cubicle to George had been bitten by a snake... as it turned out it was non-venomous, but it was still enough to keep me housebound for a week.
I know this blog may be read by some of George's young female admirers, so really it should be my duty as his father to embarrass and belittle him by going on about what a big girls blouse he was after his accident. The truth is however, that he was as hard as nails unlike the rest of us.. Hattie was in a state of hysteria for several hours, Wendy nearly passed out and I spent most of the the evening on 'gas and air'. George on the other hand didn't have any pain killers, instead, he relied on 'mind over matter' techniques... which he apparently learnt by watching James Bond films. I am now concerned that he may have picked up other techniques from his observations of 007. I've got a sneaking suspicion it might well be time for 'that little chat'... at last someone will be able to tell me about the birds and the bees.
George breaking his arm was only part of our 'weekus horribilis'. The following day, the driver of a flat bed lorry thought it would be a good idea to back his vehicle into our car, ripping a big hole in the drivers door. The fact is that driving skills aren't particularly high over here... think Maureen from 'Driving School'... lets face it they even manage to make me look quite proficient behind the wheel.
It's not all gloom and doom. Wendy passed her latest exam (on the exciting subject of company law) with flying colours. The girly swat got 80%, some of which carries forward to the final exam which she sits in a few weeks time. Then she has to decide whether she wants to sit further exams during the summer months or if she wants to sit on the beach... boy, that's a tough one.
Our household is in the grip of Olympic fever at the moment. It helps that we are on the same time zone as Beijing and also the fact that we are having a punt each way... we are supporting the UK and Australia. Thanks to the Aussies' exploits in the pool we now know most of the words to the Aussie National Anthem, no not Especially for you (by Kylie and Jason) ...it's Advance Australia Fair. If we forget the words we just mime like the photogenic Chinese girl did at the opening ceremony. The female swimmers' success may also have been the catalyst to Hattie getting a merit for her freestyle and moving to the next level of her swimming lessons... it was either that or the fact that I told her that I would concrete over our pool if she didn't pass. Carrot and stick.
It started with 'number one son' trying to emulate tarzan and ending up more like George of the Jungle. One minute he was swinging through the air with the greatest of ease the next he's dangling by his arm from a rope net.
Apparently it was such a severe break that even people without my vast medical knowledge were able to ascertain that something was amiss... it may well have been because the bones were set at rather a jaunty angle.
The upshot was that we ended up in casualty. The UK tax payers amongst you will be pleased to note that the Australian nursing system is populated almost exclusively by NHS trained nurses... and very good they are too.
You will also be pleased to know that the children in A&E departments here have the same ailments as those in the UK... broken bones, gastric problems, allergic reactions to peanuts, snake bites. It's true, the boy in the next cubicle to George had been bitten by a snake... as it turned out it was non-venomous, but it was still enough to keep me housebound for a week.
I know this blog may be read by some of George's young female admirers, so really it should be my duty as his father to embarrass and belittle him by going on about what a big girls blouse he was after his accident. The truth is however, that he was as hard as nails unlike the rest of us.. Hattie was in a state of hysteria for several hours, Wendy nearly passed out and I spent most of the the evening on 'gas and air'. George on the other hand didn't have any pain killers, instead, he relied on 'mind over matter' techniques... which he apparently learnt by watching James Bond films. I am now concerned that he may have picked up other techniques from his observations of 007. I've got a sneaking suspicion it might well be time for 'that little chat'... at last someone will be able to tell me about the birds and the bees.
George breaking his arm was only part of our 'weekus horribilis'. The following day, the driver of a flat bed lorry thought it would be a good idea to back his vehicle into our car, ripping a big hole in the drivers door. The fact is that driving skills aren't particularly high over here... think Maureen from 'Driving School'... lets face it they even manage to make me look quite proficient behind the wheel.
It's not all gloom and doom. Wendy passed her latest exam (on the exciting subject of company law) with flying colours. The girly swat got 80%, some of which carries forward to the final exam which she sits in a few weeks time. Then she has to decide whether she wants to sit further exams during the summer months or if she wants to sit on the beach... boy, that's a tough one.
Our household is in the grip of Olympic fever at the moment. It helps that we are on the same time zone as Beijing and also the fact that we are having a punt each way... we are supporting the UK and Australia. Thanks to the Aussies' exploits in the pool we now know most of the words to the Aussie National Anthem, no not Especially for you (by Kylie and Jason) ...it's Advance Australia Fair. If we forget the words we just mime like the photogenic Chinese girl did at the opening ceremony. The female swimmers' success may also have been the catalyst to Hattie getting a merit for her freestyle and moving to the next level of her swimming lessons... it was either that or the fact that I told her that I would concrete over our pool if she didn't pass. Carrot and stick.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
six months is a long time
Believe it or not, It's exactly six months since we touched down here in Perth. To commemorate this momentous milestone I thought I'd give you a rundown of what's hot and what's not about this particular part of Western Australia.
Before I even began
The thing is that when we arrived, we did so without any preconceptions....... we knew it was going to be different and hopefully quite sunny but apart from that we were happy to just go with the flow.
What we have found is that Australia really isn't all that different from the UK. That may be due to the fact that wherever you go in the World it's still you and your personal view that is seeing and interpreting the surroundings so we are still seeing everything through 'Brit goggles'. It is true to say that some things aren't the same here but on the whole there is nothing that is overtly foreign.... apart from the blue skies.
Luckily we have got all of the famous UK brands over here, such as: McDonalds, KFC, Ikea and Dominoes Pizza.
I've even managed to infiltrate the local music scene. I've found several bands that are proficient in the art of producing jingly, jangly indie guitar music overlayed with an untuneful singer telling tales of having problems with his girlfriend. Home from home.
All I saw on Channel 4
The TV over here is an odd mixture of UK and US shows with a generous sprinkling of Australian 'car crash TV' programs. We get all the same sort of reality TV bobbins that you do, some of them with celebrities who I don't know (just like the UK). It is actually a feat of endurance to watch a film on the commercial channels here due to the fact that the shear quantity of adverts pushes the duration of most movies to well over three hours. And the closer to the end of the film you are the more adverts they subject you to (because by that point they know they've got you).
Shoplifters of the World
The worst thing about Australia (and I'm sure I will never get used to it) is that they search your bags when you go out of a shop. They've got all the usual security measures: cctv, security guards and the detector things by the door but you are also required to show your receipts to the girl on the checkout and let her rifle through your shopping. The temptation to say 'look you don't have to be a convict to come here any more' is very strong... luckily (for the sake of my boyish good looks), so far I have resisted. The thing is, my pockets are always bulging (it's more of a curse than a blessing) and they never ever ask to have a look at what I've got in my trousers.
The other thing is that the Postal Service appears to lose a lot of mail. Don't get me wrong, all our Australian post gets here and the odd letter from family and friends in the UK gets through. But I never get anything from all the people that had said they would write to me....so it's got to be AusPost losing the letters because all my acquaintances in the UK must be trying to send me stuff, mustn't they? Yeah, of course they are.
now, today tomorrow and always
I think it's fair to say that Wendy and I are loving it here... the work, the outdoor lifestyle, the weather, the house, the fact that we are about a mile from golden beaches and the Indian Ocean. The kids are taking a bit longer to be convinced that it was a good move. They are a lot happier now they have all their belongings around them again but they both miss the friends (school and otherwise) they left behind in the UK. Mind you, at least they are getting letters from their friends, they aren't all being misplaced by the post office.
In conclusion, It's great.. you'd love to live here. Wait a minute though, it is getting a bit crowded, especially out here in the west..........actually you'd hate to live here, stay where you are.
Before I even began
The thing is that when we arrived, we did so without any preconceptions....... we knew it was going to be different and hopefully quite sunny but apart from that we were happy to just go with the flow.
What we have found is that Australia really isn't all that different from the UK. That may be due to the fact that wherever you go in the World it's still you and your personal view that is seeing and interpreting the surroundings so we are still seeing everything through 'Brit goggles'. It is true to say that some things aren't the same here but on the whole there is nothing that is overtly foreign.... apart from the blue skies.
Luckily we have got all of the famous UK brands over here, such as: McDonalds, KFC, Ikea and Dominoes Pizza.
I've even managed to infiltrate the local music scene. I've found several bands that are proficient in the art of producing jingly, jangly indie guitar music overlayed with an untuneful singer telling tales of having problems with his girlfriend. Home from home.
All I saw on Channel 4
The TV over here is an odd mixture of UK and US shows with a generous sprinkling of Australian 'car crash TV' programs. We get all the same sort of reality TV bobbins that you do, some of them with celebrities who I don't know (just like the UK). It is actually a feat of endurance to watch a film on the commercial channels here due to the fact that the shear quantity of adverts pushes the duration of most movies to well over three hours. And the closer to the end of the film you are the more adverts they subject you to (because by that point they know they've got you).
Shoplifters of the World
The worst thing about Australia (and I'm sure I will never get used to it) is that they search your bags when you go out of a shop. They've got all the usual security measures: cctv, security guards and the detector things by the door but you are also required to show your receipts to the girl on the checkout and let her rifle through your shopping. The temptation to say 'look you don't have to be a convict to come here any more' is very strong... luckily (for the sake of my boyish good looks), so far I have resisted. The thing is, my pockets are always bulging (it's more of a curse than a blessing) and they never ever ask to have a look at what I've got in my trousers.
The other thing is that the Postal Service appears to lose a lot of mail. Don't get me wrong, all our Australian post gets here and the odd letter from family and friends in the UK gets through. But I never get anything from all the people that had said they would write to me....so it's got to be AusPost losing the letters because all my acquaintances in the UK must be trying to send me stuff, mustn't they? Yeah, of course they are.
now, today tomorrow and always
I think it's fair to say that Wendy and I are loving it here... the work, the outdoor lifestyle, the weather, the house, the fact that we are about a mile from golden beaches and the Indian Ocean. The kids are taking a bit longer to be convinced that it was a good move. They are a lot happier now they have all their belongings around them again but they both miss the friends (school and otherwise) they left behind in the UK. Mind you, at least they are getting letters from their friends, they aren't all being misplaced by the post office.
In conclusion, It's great.. you'd love to live here. Wait a minute though, it is getting a bit crowded, especially out here in the west..........actually you'd hate to live here, stay where you are.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Everywhere you go always take the weather with you
I thought I'd use lyrics by a good old Aussie band this week. Okay, so Crowded House are actually from New Zealand but we (well I have been here nearly six months) claim them as our own. I've noticed that the Aussies seem to do that quite a bit to our antipodean cousins.
Australia's greatest ever racehorse, Phar Lap, was actually born in New Zealand. It was eventually poisoned by the Americans but I digress.
Let me tell you about the weather just to prove I am still a pom. We have had the same weather pattern repeating itself for the past four weeks. We have rainy days from Tuesday through to Saturday and then sunny days on Sunday and Monday. But the rainy days aren't grey miserable and overcast, instead it buckets it down for anything from five minutes to an hour and then its sunny and pleasantly warm for about an hour. Then it all starts again.
Of course it could be worse, after all this is our winter.
The main topic for discussion this week is haircuts. Following on from my lead, everyone has been to have their hair chopped off. I've not had mine cut for a few weeks because it's decided not to grow back. Wendy has had hers cropped quite short, she was intending it to be a half-way house on the way to having a bob, but she is now going to stick with what shes got. It does look good and really suits her having it straight, although occasionally it does go a bit curly, due to either a) atmospheric conditions, b) eating her crusts, c) some Shirley Temple genes somewhere in her lineage.
Hattie was next in the chair, not sure what happened but she came out looking about 14. I've had to start practicing telling her 'you can't go out dressed like that' and 'I want to have a chat to any prospective boyfriends'.
George settled for a trim.
I think he was getting fed up of me taking photos of him looking like Albert Einstein on a bad hair day.
There will be pics of all the new hairstyles in the July photo album. There may also be snapshots from Wendy's work trips to Rottnest and Melbourne which are coming up shortly. Rottnest, is an island about a mile or two off the coast across a notoriously choppy stretch of water - so that may lead to some very interesting action shots.
After Wendy sent out the photo album for June I had several complimentary messages from people admiring my shiny red helmet that was prominent in several of the pics. The wearing of cycle helmets is in fact compulsory over here, fortunately the wearing of tight lycra shorts isn't... not yet anyway.
The kids are currently on a two week break from school, they are attending holiday club at a place called 'Go bananas'. The good part is that they get to go (indoor) rock climbing, bowling, laser shooting and roller skating, the downside is that they have to get up at 6.30am so we can drop them off before we go to work. If you've seen Shaun of the Dead, that's what breakfast time looks like in our house this week. Again, I suppose its just a taste of the teenage years to come.
I'm going now, I need to empty some water out of the pool after all this rain... I thought it would have an over sized bath plug in the deep end but I can't see it.
Australia's greatest ever racehorse, Phar Lap, was actually born in New Zealand. It was eventually poisoned by the Americans but I digress.
Let me tell you about the weather just to prove I am still a pom. We have had the same weather pattern repeating itself for the past four weeks. We have rainy days from Tuesday through to Saturday and then sunny days on Sunday and Monday. But the rainy days aren't grey miserable and overcast, instead it buckets it down for anything from five minutes to an hour and then its sunny and pleasantly warm for about an hour. Then it all starts again.
Of course it could be worse, after all this is our winter.
The main topic for discussion this week is haircuts. Following on from my lead, everyone has been to have their hair chopped off. I've not had mine cut for a few weeks because it's decided not to grow back. Wendy has had hers cropped quite short, she was intending it to be a half-way house on the way to having a bob, but she is now going to stick with what shes got. It does look good and really suits her having it straight, although occasionally it does go a bit curly, due to either a) atmospheric conditions, b) eating her crusts, c) some Shirley Temple genes somewhere in her lineage.
Hattie was next in the chair, not sure what happened but she came out looking about 14. I've had to start practicing telling her 'you can't go out dressed like that' and 'I want to have a chat to any prospective boyfriends'.
George settled for a trim.
I think he was getting fed up of me taking photos of him looking like Albert Einstein on a bad hair day.
There will be pics of all the new hairstyles in the July photo album. There may also be snapshots from Wendy's work trips to Rottnest and Melbourne which are coming up shortly. Rottnest, is an island about a mile or two off the coast across a notoriously choppy stretch of water - so that may lead to some very interesting action shots.
After Wendy sent out the photo album for June I had several complimentary messages from people admiring my shiny red helmet that was prominent in several of the pics. The wearing of cycle helmets is in fact compulsory over here, fortunately the wearing of tight lycra shorts isn't... not yet anyway.
The kids are currently on a two week break from school, they are attending holiday club at a place called 'Go bananas'. The good part is that they get to go (indoor) rock climbing, bowling, laser shooting and roller skating, the downside is that they have to get up at 6.30am so we can drop them off before we go to work. If you've seen Shaun of the Dead, that's what breakfast time looks like in our house this week. Again, I suppose its just a taste of the teenage years to come.
I'm going now, I need to empty some water out of the pool after all this rain... I thought it would have an over sized bath plug in the deep end but I can't see it.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please
Now that's what you call a party. I'm told the housewarming/Wendy's birthday party was very good - but, as you would expect, I was unconscious after the second pint so I'm relying on other people's accounts. For the record, the twelve adults attending drank a total of 47 bottles of lager, 3 bottles of fizz, 4 bottles of white wine, 1 bottle of red wine, a bottle of babycham and a small glass of sweet sherry. Just to confirm, if it's needed after such a detailed inventory, the majority of the attendees were accountants.
Anyone who knows Wendy would have guessed, of course, that we were fully unpacked within two days of moving into the new house. It helped that one of the removal men was a man mountain who was able to pick washing machines up with one hand.
In the course of unpacking, I discovered something worse than dismantling flat-pack furniture: Re-assembling flat-pack furniture without the aid of instructions. All I had to help me put Hattie's bedroom furniture back together was a slightly out of focus photo of her old bedroom with the furniture situated somewhere in the far distance. I think I did a good job, considering, I think I might try selling Ikea the design for my three legged wardrobe (called 'Jake').
And no, we haven't been brave enough to venture into the swimming pool yet, the kids managed to dip their toes in but that was as far as they got. It's a bit chilly at the moment, I think we will have to wait until spring (September) before using it. In the meantime I have to vacuum it - I got through three Dysons and got an even spikier new haircut before it was explained to me that you create the vacuum using the pool's filter pump. So much to learn (tenuous link alert).
Talking of learning, George is now doing a PEAC course for gifted and talented children (If it wasn't for the fact that he has got my genetically mutated knees, I'd be asking for a DNA test). Basically, it means that one morning a week he goes to a different school and does lessons on a chosen subject with other show-offs (sorry, gifted kids). George's course is called 'Save the Earth - it's the only planet with chocolate' and over the last four weeks he has gradually turned into an eco-warrior. We have all been forced to cut down on our energy consumption - Hattie only gets out of bed if it's absolutely necessary, George has cut down on his use of soap and shampoo and I am now re-cycling at least 75% of my jokes.
The kids got their school reports this week, Hattie's was very good. She did well across all subjects but particularly excelled in art, getting an A (If it wasn't for the fact that she has my devastating good looks, I'd be asking for a DNA test).
I'm expecting that by the time I get round to writing the next blog we will have been here for six months so it may well take the form of a half-yearly report.
I'm off to fill a hot water bottle now - it's going to be 3 degrees tonight. It just leaves me to say ... when will I see you again? (three degrees, gettit?................bloody sod you then)
Anyone who knows Wendy would have guessed, of course, that we were fully unpacked within two days of moving into the new house. It helped that one of the removal men was a man mountain who was able to pick washing machines up with one hand.
In the course of unpacking, I discovered something worse than dismantling flat-pack furniture: Re-assembling flat-pack furniture without the aid of instructions. All I had to help me put Hattie's bedroom furniture back together was a slightly out of focus photo of her old bedroom with the furniture situated somewhere in the far distance. I think I did a good job, considering, I think I might try selling Ikea the design for my three legged wardrobe (called 'Jake').
And no, we haven't been brave enough to venture into the swimming pool yet, the kids managed to dip their toes in but that was as far as they got. It's a bit chilly at the moment, I think we will have to wait until spring (September) before using it. In the meantime I have to vacuum it - I got through three Dysons and got an even spikier new haircut before it was explained to me that you create the vacuum using the pool's filter pump. So much to learn (tenuous link alert).
Talking of learning, George is now doing a PEAC course for gifted and talented children (If it wasn't for the fact that he has got my genetically mutated knees, I'd be asking for a DNA test). Basically, it means that one morning a week he goes to a different school and does lessons on a chosen subject with other show-offs (sorry, gifted kids). George's course is called 'Save the Earth - it's the only planet with chocolate' and over the last four weeks he has gradually turned into an eco-warrior. We have all been forced to cut down on our energy consumption - Hattie only gets out of bed if it's absolutely necessary, George has cut down on his use of soap and shampoo and I am now re-cycling at least 75% of my jokes.
The kids got their school reports this week, Hattie's was very good. She did well across all subjects but particularly excelled in art, getting an A (If it wasn't for the fact that she has my devastating good looks, I'd be asking for a DNA test).
I'm expecting that by the time I get round to writing the next blog we will have been here for six months so it may well take the form of a half-yearly report.
I'm off to fill a hot water bottle now - it's going to be 3 degrees tonight. It just leaves me to say ... when will I see you again? (three degrees, gettit?................bloody sod you then)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to
I'm sure no one has noticed but there has been a bit of a gap between transmissions - I did try to fix up some' hold' music for you to listen to whilst waiting for the next blog to arrive but I appear to have mis-placed my copy of '40 pan-pipe classics'.
Talking of musical nightmares, imagine my horror to discover that moving to a different continent is not enough to escape the horror that is 'The Eurovision Song Contest'. I have to admit that I manged to avoid the semi-finals but got drawn into watching the start of the final but only to see if it would be Sir Terrance of Wogan doing the commentary... and it was. I am considering setting up a version of Eurovision over here - but I'm not sure it would work because no-one would vote for us here in the West and all the Eastern States would just vote for each other... and what would be the point of that. Mind you, I would have an amazing array of pop talent to choose from, namely: Mental As Anything, Angry Anderson, Men at Work and Midnight Oil. The lead singer of Midnight Oil (somebody Garrett) is now the Environment Minister... it's a bit like you in the UK appointing H from Steps as Home Secretary, or something even more bizarre like voting in Boris Johnston to be Lord Mayor of London.
Staying on the theme of dubious music brings us to the Aussie wedding that we gatecra.. sorry, attended recently. The ceremony itself was very entertaining - the priest delivered an excellent stand-up routine - but seemed a bit hazy on the religious stuff, a duo (It may possibly have been Crowded House or perhaps Chaz n' Dave) performed the musical interludes (mercifully there wasn't any community singing at all) and the crowd was very well behaved. In fact it was a very enjoyable day and evening, the reception was at Sandelfords Winery - where the food was excellent, the speeches were palatable and the open bar was totally abused. No, the only problem was the Disco, it was by no means the worst DJ I've encountered (I can think of at least three CGA Christmas Parties where the DJ has made Dazzlin' Darren sound like Paul Oakenfold). But you have to question the credentials of a DJ that plays Jive Bunny - they may well be the biggest act ever to come out of Rotherham, and yes my Spanish teacher did appear in one of their videos (which may explain why I failed my (ye) O (lde) level), but there is no place for them on the dance floor in the 21st Century. I tell you, if they hadn't been serving up the port at the time... I would have left in disgust. As it was we still left before they'd played Come on Eilleen.
When I've finished updating the blog my next task will be to put a play list together for our housewarming party - strictly no Jive Bunny or Black Lace.... I'm thinking Smiths, Cure, Joy Division, Nick Cave, etc - that way everyone will leave early before they can wreck the joint. The party is on the 14th June and you are all invited (bring a plate and some ear plugs).
Awards time:
Wendy finished her Australian Tax course this week (she has been doing it more or less since we arrived). She passed the exam with a ridiculously high mark and now has a short break before embarking on her next lot of studying.
George received a 'highly commended' certificate and prize at the Shaun Tan Young Artists Awards. He also won Best in Show thanks to his shiny coat and wet nose. I was wrong about everyone getting a prize. In fact less than half the finalists got prizes which resulted in one or two very disappointed seven year olds going home with absolutely nothing (apart from the knowledge that they reached the final ten from over 1,200 entries).
Hattie has now moved up a level in jazz and tap (dancing) she now gets to perform to the music of Jive Bunny and Big Fun - I can't wait for the show.
I will try not to leave it as long before the next blog.... in the meantime please enjoy listening to this pan-pipe rendition of C'mon Everybody.
Talking of musical nightmares, imagine my horror to discover that moving to a different continent is not enough to escape the horror that is 'The Eurovision Song Contest'. I have to admit that I manged to avoid the semi-finals but got drawn into watching the start of the final but only to see if it would be Sir Terrance of Wogan doing the commentary... and it was. I am considering setting up a version of Eurovision over here - but I'm not sure it would work because no-one would vote for us here in the West and all the Eastern States would just vote for each other... and what would be the point of that. Mind you, I would have an amazing array of pop talent to choose from, namely: Mental As Anything, Angry Anderson, Men at Work and Midnight Oil. The lead singer of Midnight Oil (somebody Garrett) is now the Environment Minister... it's a bit like you in the UK appointing H from Steps as Home Secretary, or something even more bizarre like voting in Boris Johnston to be Lord Mayor of London.
Staying on the theme of dubious music brings us to the Aussie wedding that we gatecra.. sorry, attended recently. The ceremony itself was very entertaining - the priest delivered an excellent stand-up routine - but seemed a bit hazy on the religious stuff, a duo (It may possibly have been Crowded House or perhaps Chaz n' Dave) performed the musical interludes (mercifully there wasn't any community singing at all) and the crowd was very well behaved. In fact it was a very enjoyable day and evening, the reception was at Sandelfords Winery - where the food was excellent, the speeches were palatable and the open bar was totally abused. No, the only problem was the Disco, it was by no means the worst DJ I've encountered (I can think of at least three CGA Christmas Parties where the DJ has made Dazzlin' Darren sound like Paul Oakenfold). But you have to question the credentials of a DJ that plays Jive Bunny - they may well be the biggest act ever to come out of Rotherham, and yes my Spanish teacher did appear in one of their videos (which may explain why I failed my (ye) O (lde) level), but there is no place for them on the dance floor in the 21st Century. I tell you, if they hadn't been serving up the port at the time... I would have left in disgust. As it was we still left before they'd played Come on Eilleen.
When I've finished updating the blog my next task will be to put a play list together for our housewarming party - strictly no Jive Bunny or Black Lace.... I'm thinking Smiths, Cure, Joy Division, Nick Cave, etc - that way everyone will leave early before they can wreck the joint. The party is on the 14th June and you are all invited (bring a plate and some ear plugs).
Awards time:
Wendy finished her Australian Tax course this week (she has been doing it more or less since we arrived). She passed the exam with a ridiculously high mark and now has a short break before embarking on her next lot of studying.
George received a 'highly commended' certificate and prize at the Shaun Tan Young Artists Awards. He also won Best in Show thanks to his shiny coat and wet nose. I was wrong about everyone getting a prize. In fact less than half the finalists got prizes which resulted in one or two very disappointed seven year olds going home with absolutely nothing (apart from the knowledge that they reached the final ten from over 1,200 entries).
Hattie has now moved up a level in jazz and tap (dancing) she now gets to perform to the music of Jive Bunny and Big Fun - I can't wait for the show.
I will try not to leave it as long before the next blog.... in the meantime please enjoy listening to this pan-pipe rendition of C'mon Everybody.
Friday, May 02, 2008
He was trapped in a haircut he no longer believed in
The fight to keep my fringe somewhere near my eyebrows has finally ended in defeat and I have been forced to move the battle lines considerably higher up the forehead. Which means, of course, that the classic 80s hairstyle that has served me so well for over a quarter of a century has finally gone and been replaced with the ubiquitous shaved sides and short spiky top (or in my case fluffy top) that most 'men of a certain age' sport. My decision to change styles was also assisted by the fact that Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet and ABC are all coming to town soon (I think 'The New Romantics' could be the next big thing to break over here along with the rubiks cube). It means that there are already going to be more enough 40 something blokes with floppy fringes in the vicinity without them needing my help. I don't remember much about the operation to give me a 21st century hairstyle because I was heavily sedated throughout the ordeal. At the moment there aren't any pictures of my new look, we have tried but they all come out with a massive glare off my over sized forehead.
Wendy flew out to Brisbane this week for a conference on... she did tell me... I was definitely listening and paying attention... that was it ...little east asians or it could have been litigation. Either way it meant flying to the other side of the country for three days and despite being singled out by security at the airport to be searched for explosives she had a good time. Actually, she may have meant that she had a good time because she was searched - not sure.
George is currently taking the local art world by storm with his avant garde, post-modern, surrealistic, new romantic photography. He's been shortlisted for the prestigious Shaun Tan Award open to all school children in Perth for his thought provoking piece entitled urban beasts. The Award ceremony is being held at Subiaco Library, an indoor venue, so I may be safe from sand blowing into my eyes and making them water when he goes up to get his prize. I'm guessing that all of the finalists will get something, I can't see them dragging kids and their families all that way just to clap when somebody else wins.
Hattie was very happy with the Nintendo DS that she got for her birthday. She's not quite so happy with the fact that I am constantly asking her what DS stands for? She's taken to using it with headphones on so that she can't hear me. We weren't able to arrange for any of her friends to sleepover so she had to settle for a birthday lunch and a trip to the cinema to see 'Horton hears a Who'. She also had an ice cream 'radioactive' birthday cake which had some very unrealistic colouring... she came down off the ceiling by the following Tuesday.
We are in the process of buying a house in Connolly, close to the school, the shops, the golf course and the Kangaroo Arms (a pub)... A coincidence? I think not. If everything goes smoothly we should be moving in around the 5th of June. Photos of us freezing to death trying to get the most out of the solar heated swimming pool in winter will no doubt appear shortly afterwards.
We are going to a bona-fide Australian wedding next Saturday so I shall tell you all about that next time.
Wendy flew out to Brisbane this week for a conference on... she did tell me... I was definitely listening and paying attention... that was it ...little east asians or it could have been litigation. Either way it meant flying to the other side of the country for three days and despite being singled out by security at the airport to be searched for explosives she had a good time. Actually, she may have meant that she had a good time because she was searched - not sure.
George is currently taking the local art world by storm with his avant garde, post-modern, surrealistic, new romantic photography. He's been shortlisted for the prestigious Shaun Tan Award open to all school children in Perth for his thought provoking piece entitled urban beasts. The Award ceremony is being held at Subiaco Library, an indoor venue, so I may be safe from sand blowing into my eyes and making them water when he goes up to get his prize. I'm guessing that all of the finalists will get something, I can't see them dragging kids and their families all that way just to clap when somebody else wins.
Hattie was very happy with the Nintendo DS that she got for her birthday. She's not quite so happy with the fact that I am constantly asking her what DS stands for? She's taken to using it with headphones on so that she can't hear me. We weren't able to arrange for any of her friends to sleepover so she had to settle for a birthday lunch and a trip to the cinema to see 'Horton hears a Who'. She also had an ice cream 'radioactive' birthday cake which had some very unrealistic colouring... she came down off the ceiling by the following Tuesday.
We are in the process of buying a house in Connolly, close to the school, the shops, the golf course and the Kangaroo Arms (a pub)... A coincidence? I think not. If everything goes smoothly we should be moving in around the 5th of June. Photos of us freezing to death trying to get the most out of the solar heated swimming pool in winter will no doubt appear shortly afterwards.
We are going to a bona-fide Australian wedding next Saturday so I shall tell you all about that next time.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I'll get the doctor, to take a picture
My diagnosis of Hattie's injuries after the tree incident was called into question. As a result she ended up at the hospital on Saturday afternoon to have an x-ray and let someone with slightly more training than myself have a look at it. It turns out I was right all along - minor cuts and bruises, apparently though I should have strapped the little finger of her left hand to the ring finger of her left hand and not the ring finger of her right hand. This may explain why she was struggling to use it properly.
George took part in the Joondalup festival last weekend. His class and a couple of others represented the school in the street parade. The boys were samurai warriors and the girls were geisha's. Wendy, somehow got roped into doing some face painting - everyone ended up with a white face and a droopy black moustache and goatee beard... and that was just the geisha's. The Japanese teacher chose some appropriate music to accompany them on their way round, namely Kungfu Fighting (Craig Douglas) and Turning Japanese by the Vapors. Bearing in mind the true meaning of the Vapors' lyrics the song probably wasn't that suitable after all. I'm sure it would have been more appropriate if all the boys had been teenagers.
This week I have mainly been learning about parrots, two in particular. Firstly, the Galah - this is the grey and pink parrot that appears in the photo gallery on the left of this page. It's a bit clumsy and not too bright and has been known to drop out of trees - hence calling someone a big Galah, especially someone you don't know, is offensive and can lead to a flamin' row. Australians do like a bit of a confrontation, which is why they have 37 different words for 'argue' (like Eskimos with snow). The other parrot I am now an expert on is the one known as the 28. It's very colourful in blues and greens and is so named because when it calls it sounds like it's saying 28. The only time it ever makes the call is when it's going to rain which is why it's also called the rain bird. I can vouch for this, the other day when I walked to the train station they were all calling and sure enough twenty minutes later it was raining. Mind you, there were some pretty dark rain clouds around at the time. In fact, you would have to be a Galah or Michael Fish not to know it was about to chuck it down.
We recently made a bold attempt to buy a house we liked but our less than generous offer was turned down. The system for house sales over here is quite different from the UK. Basically, you put your offer in writing and if the vendor accepts it - that's it, you've bought the house, it's legally binding and there is no way out of it. This, tied to the fact that the market is slowing down and that we aren't in any hurry to move, led us to put in a very cautious offer...one that the vendors were not at all impressed with. They responded by dropping the price by $5,000 which was still $44,999 and 98 cents more than we were offering.
Disaster. Hard Jubes are temporarily out of stock - in the entire State, I think it may be my heavy consumption of them that has caused this inbalance in the demand/supply chain.
Next time: Hatties birthday, George the artist of International renown, new hairstyles administered under general anaethestic, ANZAC Day and Australian weddings (probably).
This weeks essential ipod top 5: (1) The cutter > Echo and the Bunnymen. (2) Keep it clean > Camera Obscura. (3) Rich and strange > Cud. (4) There there my dear > Dexy's Midnight Runners. (5) Twist and shout > Deacon Blue.
George took part in the Joondalup festival last weekend. His class and a couple of others represented the school in the street parade. The boys were samurai warriors and the girls were geisha's. Wendy, somehow got roped into doing some face painting - everyone ended up with a white face and a droopy black moustache and goatee beard... and that was just the geisha's. The Japanese teacher chose some appropriate music to accompany them on their way round, namely Kungfu Fighting (Craig Douglas) and Turning Japanese by the Vapors. Bearing in mind the true meaning of the Vapors' lyrics the song probably wasn't that suitable after all. I'm sure it would have been more appropriate if all the boys had been teenagers.
This week I have mainly been learning about parrots, two in particular. Firstly, the Galah - this is the grey and pink parrot that appears in the photo gallery on the left of this page. It's a bit clumsy and not too bright and has been known to drop out of trees - hence calling someone a big Galah, especially someone you don't know, is offensive and can lead to a flamin' row. Australians do like a bit of a confrontation, which is why they have 37 different words for 'argue' (like Eskimos with snow). The other parrot I am now an expert on is the one known as the 28. It's very colourful in blues and greens and is so named because when it calls it sounds like it's saying 28. The only time it ever makes the call is when it's going to rain which is why it's also called the rain bird. I can vouch for this, the other day when I walked to the train station they were all calling and sure enough twenty minutes later it was raining. Mind you, there were some pretty dark rain clouds around at the time. In fact, you would have to be a Galah or Michael Fish not to know it was about to chuck it down.
We recently made a bold attempt to buy a house we liked but our less than generous offer was turned down. The system for house sales over here is quite different from the UK. Basically, you put your offer in writing and if the vendor accepts it - that's it, you've bought the house, it's legally binding and there is no way out of it. This, tied to the fact that the market is slowing down and that we aren't in any hurry to move, led us to put in a very cautious offer...one that the vendors were not at all impressed with. They responded by dropping the price by $5,000 which was still $44,999 and 98 cents more than we were offering.
Disaster. Hard Jubes are temporarily out of stock - in the entire State, I think it may be my heavy consumption of them that has caused this inbalance in the demand/supply chain.
Next time: Hatties birthday, George the artist of International renown, new hairstyles administered under general anaethestic, ANZAC Day and Australian weddings (probably).
This weeks essential ipod top 5: (1) The cutter > Echo and the Bunnymen. (2) Keep it clean > Camera Obscura. (3) Rich and strange > Cud. (4) There there my dear > Dexy's Midnight Runners. (5) Twist and shout > Deacon Blue.
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